the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
third nipple confirmed
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
