can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
