R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
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I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
me + whiskey = a bad person
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize