my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon