just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered