hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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