I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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