i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
