I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
