Umm I'm too high to move.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
