How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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