there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I need water and some morals
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
