Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
