I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
found the other keg... it's in the tree
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
