Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
