I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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