you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
