So drunk, too bad you don't want this
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
