so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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