All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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