What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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