this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
