so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
