You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
