ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
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I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
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You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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