just tell him i said nine months
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
