You're completely useless in the revolution.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
