so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
