im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
