The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
