ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
