just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
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Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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