i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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