margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I want to walk on stilts...naked
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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