the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
