I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
