I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
