Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
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