hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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