I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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