I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
