weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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