why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
