Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
