I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
i think i just lost a toe
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize