I want to have your abortion
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
