You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
