this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
