its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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