you didnt know i had herpes?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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