the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
