Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
