I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
