I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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