I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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