No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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