GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
