U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
