We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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