You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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