Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
we made out on top of his cat.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
