The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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