I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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