remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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