You don't have asthma, your pregnant
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
