there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
