Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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