Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
the liver wants what the liver wants
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
All I want is dick and wine.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
