I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
