some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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