Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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